Lost on a Mountain (story seed)

I stood on the mountain peak unable to breathe. I had sweated madly in search of my elder sister, Lora. My mind flashed back to what really bad thing happened that could put me in such terrible state.

I was rushing to get to the top of the mountain and I came upon a cave. When Lora caught up to me, I knew what she was thinking. She desperately wanted to find out what was in that cave just like me.  Lora and I walked inside the cave with our torches. It was getting really dark in the cave. And I heard thunder clouds.

A strong breeze heaved a huge rock and made it tumble making Lora and I stuck in the cave. I did everything I could to get us out of the cave. I pushed sharp rocks that made my hands bleed; I kicked rocks that made my foot ache, and I pushed rocks with my back which made it sting like fire. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came streaking down at the floor which separated Lora and I. Then my mind went blank.

I lay unconscious on a lump of rock. When I got up, there was not any thunder. For a moment, I could not figure out where I was. Then I realized that I was on the other side of the mountain, and that the wind blew away my shoes. I looked around for my shoes in bare feet walking through some shattered glass. I could not find my shoes anywhere. But then I saw them, ripped a part on a broken bit of mountain. I was terrified in the isolated mountain. I looked around for Lora, but I did not find her anywhere. I could not remember on which part of the mountain the cave was, so I walked all the way to the peak of the mountain.

Now I am in this state. My arms and legs were bleeding, my head throbbed, my heart ached and my back was in pain. Then I stumbled. I fell down the mountain losing hope in every second.

When I landed, I bumped my head on a pile of rocks. “Claire, is that you?” said a voice.

“Lora, is that you? Inside that pile of rocks?” I replied.

“Yes,  it is Lora. Please try and get me out of here. I have such a limited amount of oxygen in this pile of rocks,” said terrified Lora.

“I will try everything I can,” I said.

“Thank you so much,” said Lora. I heaved a lose rock out of place so that I could see Lora face to face. Then in a flash, all the rocks tumbled over. Lora was free at last.

Lora and I were so happy to see each other and went all the way down the mountain together.

Journey Through Death Valley (Story seed)

My stomach ached and my head throbbed. I hiked on desperate to reach the peak of Springdale mountain. As my hands grazed the sharp rocks, my rigid legs forced me to the dilapidated road of death. The moment I was dreading. All but five men had successfully hiked across the path. I held my breath and balance myself not putting too much weight on one side or the other. I was about halfway across just when I heard a crack…

I was too scared to move. It was as if all the blood inside me had frozen solid. My stomach lurched as I fell into the deepest depths of Death Valley.

I hurled onto the ground as rocks and twigs grazed my entire body. I forced myself up and swiped the dust off my shoulders. I hunched my shoulders as blood streaked my damp face. I sat silently for a while and finally decided to walk on.

I came across a gate. It was a faded brown lined with a deep black and dotted with blood red specks. I gazed at it carefully and white sparks flew straight at me. I fingered the door and spotted a maths equation. A decimal equation. 0.01×0.01. I figured out the answer but was unsure of what to do with it. All of a sudden, a light grey balloon floated above me with the words: INSERT UP HERE written in deathly black bold. With my knowledge of physics, I figured the calculus to lever myself up to the roughly tiled roof without injuring myself. once I grazed my answer into the dirt, a trap door opened beneath me.

I plummeted to the rock hard ground fearing a severe head concussion. I pulled myself up and looked around the place. It was like a mine. Dirty, rusty and dark. I felt my way through the ‘thing’ just when a blinding light flashed straight at me. It was a torch. A little elf-like person stared up at me. he had a bright red upturned nose and long elf ears. He had scruffy brown hair and was wearing a black outfit with a brown border along with scraggy black trousers and sneakers. He lead me to the exit not saying a word.

As I walked out, I looked, starstruck at the view. I had walked right up to the edge of the steepest cliff I had ever seen. The wind was whooshing all around me as rain and lightning bolted from the swirling grey clouds. The clouds formed sentences:


Acid rain?! I was freaked. Science wasn’t my strong point. I guessed plasma. I grazed my answer on to the edge of the cliff and bit my tongue in anxiety. In a split second, I was sucked up into a whirlwind of dust.

I landed face first on a pile of mud which automatically came off me and stuck on to an oompa-loompa like little creature. It came off her as well. She walked away into the distance. The mud formed a paragraph. I had to put the correct punctuation in in five minutes, or else… I had no idea of what or else was, but I didn’t want to stay around and find out. I quickly wrote in the correct answers. I waited…

The mud cleared away and I saw a trap door. I climbed down to see a golden door embroidered with white lace and bordered with silver. It was labelled, Humble Door. There was a message written in velvet red:

Harry Potter. A world of fantasy.

Like the one you’ve just been through.

I am your version of dumbledore.

Walk through this door and your life goes

back to normal.

I walked through the door. Wait, what just happened.


Life seeped out of me as I suffered great torture. Blood escaped my chest as I gripped tightly, my churning stomach. A vision of fiery red burned my soul painfully. An intense sensation of agonizing pain filled my spine with rage. Rage powerful enough to turn dead into alive.

My deathly black cape reluctantly moved from side to side. My jet black hair tied itself into a skin pinching bun. I received strange looks everywhere I went. My thick hands grazed across brick houses as they screamed quietly in pain. Then I walked past a glass house…

An unusual glass house it was. With someone in it. It looked unusually like the villain that had cursed me. I had to be sure. I knocked on the door. A woman with a slim figure and freakishly pale skin answered. She wore a dark cape similar to mine. As I looked at her evil face, she wickedly smiled. A smile I always remembered. The smile I saw when I died. As I had suspected at first. Malificent. Even deadlier than the first.

Fighting in the cemetery, I desperately tried just to stab Malificent in the heart. I sweated madly lashing my sword from side to side. I felt intense anger inside me, building up as I had hoped, but not powerful enough to just ensure a cut on her. I was furious. So furious. And desperate. I was boiling. Like an animal dodging gunshots from hunters. As I was about to shove the sword into Malificent’s heart, I toppled over with her shield in my face. A burning sensation filled my spine just like the time she killed me first. All I remember is blood. That’s all I remembered, before I got the chance to live. For the 3rd time.

Above is a story I wrote from a first draft. In this version, I tied the introduction and conclusion together with feeling. I had intense feeling in the first paragraph as well at the last paragraph. For example, in the first paragraph and last paragraph, I talked about how tortured and angered the character felt. Some other ways I could have tied the introduction and conclusion together is by using, action, intriguing questions, sound effects or sensory descriptions in both paragraphs. In the middle two paragraphs, I used the paragraph sandwich to ensure that I had a good body structure of the story. The paragraph sandwich is a structure that you need to follow in each paragraph. In each paragraph, you need to have:

– Topic Sentence

– Supporting Sentence

– Describing Sentence

– Supporting Sentence

– Describing Sentence

– Supporting Sentence

– Describing Sentence

– Concluding Sentence

Along with all this, I had to make sure I was grammatically correct and I used good vocabulary/language as well as sentence fragments (I used mostly short sentences in the action and feeling parts to make the piece more suspenseful).

The Lost Jungle of Atlanta

What a beautiful day! Shining in the beauty of daylight, I spy something. Alas! I see, hot air balloons! I hand over my ticket and start to enjoy, the warmth of sun, joy of laughter, and song of nature. Nothing can ruin my day.

Up, I come, into the fairy floss clouds, floating gracefully away. Away into the deep jungle, the lost jungle of Atlanta – wait, did I just say, DEEP JUNGLE?! LOST JUNGLE OF ATLANTA?! Screams of fury freeze every clot of blood in me. My eyes fill with terror as the window from a cottage gets thrust down. The cottage wasn’t any old cottage. It was Devila’s cottage. Devila is the greatest myth. Greatest monster. She was real. Devila. The myth. Real. Nothing else could possibly go wrong. But it could…

The hot air balloon came tumbling down heavily through the violent wind disturbing it. Within moments, the hot air balloon had crashed. Burst into flames instantly. From the moment my head hit the jagged concrete, I knew my future… Up in the clouds. Forever.

                                      Minutes Later…                                                

“Urgh!” I moan. “Where am I? My coffin?” I wasn’t in my coffin. Thank goodness! I’m alive! I was so lucky! But I shouldn’t have spoke too soon. I was lying on the scorching hot concrete with blood dripping down my entire body. I was stranded. Lost in the deserted lost jungle of Atlanta. “What do I do?!!” I cried. No one heard me. I thought no one heard me. I collapsed onto the damp soil tossing and turning about my troubling life. All of a sudden, I heard a noise…

The noise sounded unusually human-like. The noise was getting louder until I could just make out what this person or thing was saying. “Yodelihihoo!” Who was it? I spun around as my eyes met a man. Looked like a muscly cave man. He looked kind of similar…

Of course! It was Terra Australis! Everything matched up. Terra Australis was a man who had been lost in the lost jungle of Atlanta a decade ago! “H-h-hi!”  I said                                                                                                                           “G’day mate! How are ya?!”                                                                                                  “Uh-um, okay I guess,” I reply. “Now that you’re here. Um, anyways. Would you happen to know how to get out of this – place?”                                  “Sorry mate! I don’t. Never been able to find a secret passage back to the Northern Territ – ory. Anyways. Tell me kid. Where ya come from?”              “I come from Melbourne came here for a holiday. Didn’t turn out well.”       “I see.”                                                                                                                                             ” How did you get stuck here?”                                                                                            “I was at the Royal Fairground. Fell through a trap type thing. How’d you get stuck ‘ere?”                                                                                                                            “Royal Fairground as well. Hot air balloon crash.”                                                    I sat down on a sanded brick just starting to enjoy myself. What I didn’t know about the sanded brick was that it could potentially get us out of here. 

“Kid! You found the missing road to N.T!” Terra exclaimed.                               “I-I did?” I replied.                                                                                                                    “Yeah! You go first.”                                                                                                               “OK.” The passage was narrow. Very narrow. I scraped my way through only to hear a sudden blast. Cold water filled my lungs with anxiety. Water had come inland!                                                                                                        

I clutched my churning stomach tightly as I motioned for Terra to approach the faint coloured submarine type thing up ahead. I gripped onto a railing and opened the entrance. Once Terra and I were inside. I gasped desperately for air. Terra somehow navigated the – thing, all the way to the ground. When suddenly, we fell through a sinkhole…

“Terra! WHAT – DID – YOU – DO?” I said anxiously                                                  “Trust me with this. I know what I’m doing.” I really doubted that. Moments later, I was submerged in soil, only to be pulled up by Terra. Disgusting! I had a mountain of soil inside my mouth. Literally, a mountain! After I had finished fixing up the creases on my dress, I looked up to see what looked like paradise knowing what I’d been through. The fairground! Soon after, everyone was cheering and taking snapshots of our every move. Not to my surprise, Terra and I were all over the news just hours later.   

When I arrived home, I was squashed with hugs and smooched with a million kisses. I was so lucky to survive. So lucky to have Terra. Extremely lucky to be here today.                


Beginning to Ending Story

It was a stormy day. Rocks and twigs scattered on the floor. Hail stones thrust onto the window as blood dripped down the ceiling… I felt cold and frightened. Alone and deserted. It was going to be a horrendous day.

As blood started flooding the house, I broke out in cold sweat. All of a sudden, I heard a hissing sound. I frantically screamed for my mother, but she fainted instantly at the scene. I hauled her out of the house regretting that very move.

(At the hospital)

Red lights flashed violently towards the ICU. Blood, sweat and tears streaked my face as a wave of emotions whizzed quickly through my head. Bawling my eyes out, screaming to see my mother, I waited impatiently hoping for good news.

Hours later, my eyes were blood red, my insides were filled with anger, and I was just about ready to let my demon attack. The nurse came bolting down the hall way. I clawed my way to her and grabbed her neck tightly. “Where is my mother?” I hissed.

“U, um…” the nurse muttered.

“Tell me now!”

“She, she, she…”

“She what?!!”

“She died!” My heart stopped beating. Every clot of blood frozen in anger. My veins gripped my fury. That’s all I remember before being rushed to my aid.

Mystery Murders

On a cold and windy day, a man called James, was going to work on a train. An elderly woman had sat next to him.

“Hi, I’m Trina Trankwells,”said the elderly lady.

“Hi, I’m James Juneet,”replied James awkwardly.

“Well, hi James! Where are you going today?” the elderly woman said happily.

“I’m going to Hillside ,”James said quietly.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” Trina said very sympathetically. “I’ve just heard that there have been quite a lot of mystery murders at Hillside, so take my advice.” As the elderly woman hopped of the train, James thought that she wasn’t true.

In his head he said, “As if!”


James got off at the next stop, but there were no people there. James thought that he was too early, but he wasn’t. He looked on his watch and it was nine o’clock which was when he started work. Since James didn’t have a phone, he was looking around for a phone box to call his assistant Max. James didn’t find a phone box anywhere. There used to be millions! He was wondering if the lady he met on the train could be right. James was getting scared. Suddenly, a thin looking ginger cat ran across the dusty road.  The cat ran to an empty fish and chips bag hoping for food. James was shivering with his hands inside his big thick jacket. Then he suddenly saw something black, which needed a new coat of paint. As James moved closer to the object, he could just see a phone box.

“YES!!” he exclaimed. James was happy, but not for long. As he ran closer to the phone box, he saw a big fat man occupying it. His back was pressed against the door and his face was pressed  in the phone box, so you could not see his face. “Darnett” James said angrily. James was bored and lit up a cigarette. As he had finished his cigarette, he saw something red…


It was trickling down from the phone box. “Could this man be injured? Surely he cannot be dead. Could he?” James said to himself. James was starting to think about Trina and her advice. He was thinking that Trina was true.

“Thought about me?” Trina said. She had appeared from no where.

“How did you know I was thinking about you? Where did you appear from,” said frightened James.

“I have the power to see what’s in people’s minds. I died in a car accident after I hopped off the train. This is the spirit of me,” Trina said. James edged backwards. “Now you have to come with me and you will be kept as a prisoner along with all the other people who didn’t listen to my advice. NOW COME!” Trina yelled. James gulped…


James was kept as a prisoner, meanwhile…

The mystery murderer was killing more and more people every second, but the mystery murderer still remained unidentified as he was wearing black clothing along with a black mask. “This mess would never have had happened if the mystery murderer didn’t exist,” James thought to himself angrily. The mystery murderer was getting ready for a very special murder. He was going to kill someone who had already been killed. “BAM!” Trina was gone for the second time. The murderer broke into James’ cell and dragged him out of Trina’s jail and across the road, up the stairs, into his bedroom. James thought the bedroom looked familiar. In fact, he thought that it looked like Max’s bedroom. The murderer took of his mask and indeed it was Max…


“What got into you Max?!”James screamed.

” I don’t know!!!” yelled Max.

“Well, whatever! We can’t let you be seen, so we’ll get out of this building secretly, “James said. Okay?”

“Okay, “Max said. So they did so and the mystery murderer remained a secret.