Fate

Life seeped out of me as I suffered great torture. Blood escaped my chest as I gripped tightly, my churning stomach. A vision of fiery red burned my soul painfully. An intense sensation of agonizing pain filled my spine with rage. Rage powerful enough to turn dead into alive.

My deathly black cape reluctantly moved from side to side. My jet black hair tied itself into a skin pinching bun. I received strange looks everywhere I went. My thick hands grazed across brick houses as they screamed quietly in pain. Then I walked past a glass house…

An unusual glass house it was. With someone in it. It looked unusually like the villain that had cursed me. I had to be sure. I knocked on the door. A woman with a slim figure and freakishly pale skin answered. She wore a dark cape similar to mine. As I looked at her evil face, she wickedly smiled. A smile I always remembered. The smile I saw when I died. As I had suspected at first. Malificent. Even deadlier than the first.

Fighting in the cemetery, I desperately tried just to stab Malificent in the heart. I sweated madly lashing my sword from side to side. I felt intense anger inside me, building up as I had hoped, but not powerful enough to just ensure a cut on her. I was furious. So furious. And desperate. I was boiling. Like an animal dodging gunshots from hunters. As I was about to shove the sword into Malificent’s heart, I toppled over with her shield in my face. A burning sensation filled my spine just like the time she killed me first. All I remember is blood. That’s all I remembered, before I got the chance to live. For the 3rd time.

Above is a story I wrote from a first draft. In this version, I tied the introduction and conclusion together with feeling. I had intense feeling in the first paragraph as well at the last paragraph. For example, in the first paragraph and last paragraph, I talked about how tortured and angered the character felt. Some other ways I could have tied the introduction and conclusion together is by using, action, intriguing questions, sound effects or sensory descriptions in both paragraphs. In the middle two paragraphs, I used the paragraph sandwich to ensure that I had a good body structure of the story. The paragraph sandwich is a structure that you need to follow in each paragraph. In each paragraph, you need to have:

– Topic Sentence

– Supporting Sentence

– Describing Sentence

– Supporting Sentence

– Describing Sentence

– Supporting Sentence

– Describing Sentence

– Concluding Sentence

Along with all this, I had to make sure I was grammatically correct and I used good vocabulary/language as well as sentence fragments (I used mostly short sentences in the action and feeling parts to make the piece more suspenseful).

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